Friday, 13 November 2009

What happens when you have a wig?

Why do we celebrate Halloween? Most people do it to dress up as sluts (shout out to Mean Girls), to get drunk or dress up as the opposite sex (mainly the men). I did it this year to wear a blonde wig. I am a brunette but I have always wanted to be blonde (well before I became confident in myself). I had blonde highlights since 7th grade until the end of high school (I hated getting them done... just like I hate getting my manicure, pedicure, facial, eyebrow, blow dry done but I do it all because of stupid societal standards which I will not escape because I want to impress people). Therefore, I wanted to be Cascada (if you have not heard "Evacuate the dance floor" then you have been living in a cave) but maybe I just wanted to be blond and famous (I want to be famous... it has always been one of my dreams that has been constant despite the constantly changing careers). Therefore in my deepest dreams I have only wanted to be blonde (because everyone in Puerto Rico is dark-haired... as they say: BORING) and become famous (maybe then can I have a Fifth Avenue apartment in front of Central Park, or if all else fails in front of Hyde Park in London).

Therefore I go with my roommate to shop to become blond and famous for a night (she is blond but not famous so she is closer to that reality). We go to various stores to buy dresses, accessories and sparkly eye make up (because I just also need to be the center of attention as well... I will do anything to get to talk more). I did not find my wig which is essential for the costume (I repeat: essential). Therefore, it was imperative to go back the next day (I repeat: imperative). Anyway how can I be blond and famous and not be blond? I am not that smart sometimes but that makes no sense . However, I found it after wrestling between two blond wigs (wigs are so much better than genes). After I found my wig I was all set for the weekend (I repeat: set).

Therefore, that Friday I have a birthday party. I have a dilemma. What is my dilemma? I have a blond wig but I cannot dress as Cascada because it is not Halloween (Cascada is my Halloween costume and socialites cannot repeat dresses much less repeat costumes). Therefore, I decide to be a spoilsport and wear my wig with my skinny jeans and a retro-looking top without any idea of what I really am. I ask my roommate what can I pass off as and she says I could be a 70's girl expect for the jeans which are not loose fitting (but they make me look skinny... there I go again). I leave my room dejected to go to the party when I ask my apartment mates what they think I can be and they give me a brilliant idea: Anna Nicole Smith (perfect). She is blond and infamous (and I was not even dressed in skimpy clothes to look like her).

The next day is finally Halloween and I have a party at my house (it is not an unusual occurrence). I finally get to dress up as someone blond and famous (as opposed to being infamous). There were some interesting costumes, including my blond and famous homey Taylor Swift and a princess (fictional but I believed she was a princess as well as blond and royalty). I will admit I had the most fun when they put "Evacuate the Dance Floor" because I was actually the center of the party (partly because I was on a table... what can I do when they put my song?).

Despite my blond and famous adventures I am glad I am back to being brunette (it has actually been proven by studies that billionaires are more likely to marry brunettes... maybe gentlemen do not prefer blondes but diamonds are still a girl's best friend). However, if my bid to stay brunette fails maybe I should really go put on a blond wig and marry a rich New Yorker (or a rich duke or count in London) and become a socialite (I do not know how that would work with all the constant partying considering that I sometimes even get tired of our own parties). However, maybe this is not the best idea if I do not want to risk becoming Anna Nicole Smith or worse: Paris Hilton (I run away scared without saying farewell).